Maybe the Funniest “News” Article I Have Ever Read


This will be you after reading this story. Especially if you try reading it aloud to someone.

I am just passing this along because tears were literally dripping down my cheeks trying to read this out loud to someone the other night.  I apologize if anyone is offended by the somewhat lewd content, but it is just too funny to keep to myself.  Apparently, a man in Delaware never watches TV or completely ignores Cialis/Viagra commercials, and was thus completely unaware that erections lasting longer than 4 hours are a problem… so he finally got the clue after 8 months.  After 8 freaking months of being at full salute, he decided something was up and that it was time to pony up for a lawsuit.

It’s so hilarious and yet so stupid, even great fiction writers would not make this up.  Do yourself a favor and read on…

The full article can be found here [Delaware Man Sues Over 8-Month Erection via USA Today], but here are some great snippets.  The author clearly had a fantastic time writing this one.

“Wherever the 44-year-old went, his condition got in the way, said Metzgar’s attorney, Michael C. Heyden. Retrieving the morning newspaper became a problem. Riding his motorcycle was, too. Even family events became uncomfortable because, as Heyden put it, ‘Dan is stuck in this position.’”

But wait, there’s more.

“The procedure caused him to retreat from much of life, and he took to wearing baggy sweat pants and a long shirt to hide his condition.  ‘It’s not something you want to bring out at parties and show to friends,’ said Metzgar, who wrapped up his testimony Tuesday.”

Its hard not to feel bad for the guy… but it is also damn near impossible not to laugh at his misfortune and wonder why it took him SO LONG to realize something was wrong.  At least he can feel good knowing that must have been some kind of a record, right?  It just has to be.

We would love to hear your feedback and reaction on this.

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3 thoughts on “Maybe the Funniest “News” Article I Have Ever Read

  1. As a nurse I have seen men have a Viagra erection and it is excruciating. This man is full of shit.

    • I don’t doubt there is quite a bit of exaggeration. I’m sure his was a bit different than a pharmaceutically induced erection since it was allegedly the product of a dysfunctional implant, but still… I’m siding with you.

      Also, my condolences for having to witness that. One of those things I bet you can’t really un-see.

      • I was a brand new 22 year old RN working on a urology floor with the first case. Agonizing to watch. One feels pretty helpless with pain that severe. And it doesnt take long before permanent damage occurs so prompt action is essential. But there are treatments and pain meds that help until the problem is corrected.

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